Memo by Sierra-Marie Gerfao, DRE

Several years ago, a minister friend of mine was caring for her father in what became his final months of life.  One particular occasion, she returned home from a long day at the hospital and we chatted about her father's worsening condition. 

She explained to me the medical prognosis her father had received and the care being offered, which at that point was still treatment rather than palliative care.  The doctors had recommended a particular course of action for her father, and as she was his medical proxy, they had looked to her to approve the course.  Seeing that her father was near his end of life, she said to the doctors, "You are concerned about his body, but my concern is different.  I am concerned about his soul."

Recently, during a discussion I had about my son with the head of a unit of the special education department in the Worcester Public Schools, I thought of my friend and what she said to the doctors.  She was especially concerned that my son not become "too attached" to any of his therapists – the speech, occupational, or physical therapists – as the school assignments of therapists change frequently and, "in any case," she said, "he is going to have a different class of students and a different teacher every year."  In other words, he needs to get used to relationships that don't last.

What I didn't tell her is that in his short life, my son has had plenty of change.  We have made a major move from Washington State to Massachusetts, and one year from now we will make another major move from the city of Worcester to the city of New Haven.  In a world where too many relationships don't last, and too many of us have difficulty with intimacy, I am much more concerned that my son develop a healthy capacity for close, lasting friendships than an ability to "move on" without care for the relationship.  In short, she is concerned about his ability to adapt to school, and I am much more concerned about his soul.

I trust this isn't surprising to you.  Over the few years we have spent together, I am sure you know by now that as a professional in family ministry, I consider matters of the soul utmost.  It is among my primary concerns with regard to everything from education to politics.  With the impending change in staffing in the Office of Faith Development here at First Unitarian Church, there is an opportunity for a conversation about what exactly it is we are trying to do in the ministries of faith development for all ages. 

As I ask every year in the teacher and advisor trainings, "what do we need to do to nourish the development of each soul to whom we minister?"  The Reverend Schade opened this conversation recently in his memo about the Drapers, and the question of what families need most on Sunday morning and throughout the week at church.

For me, this was followed by a thought-provoking conversation with psychologist and First Unitarian congregant Peter Gray about the critical relationship between unstructured, unsupervised play and children's religious development.  Congregant, physician, and yoga instructor Diane Pingeton, who also participated in the conversation, suggested that an afterschool "program" of extended, unstructured playtime followed by a short session of yoga might be an especially needed community offering for children.  We talked about this and other matters of soul relating to children, and also to adults.

This conversation isn't going to happen in the secular world, where things like care of the body and care of the mind are largely considered separately from matters of the soul.  There is no better place for this conversation than here at church, and no better time for it than now.  I look forward to hearing more of what all of you have to say in this, my final year as your Director of R.E.